i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
