So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
