It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
