I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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