normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
