And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
