I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
