I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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