Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do vagina's smell?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
