your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
