OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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