I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
