anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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