You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
