I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
