called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
