I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
