Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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