This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
