it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just high enough for therapy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
