Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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