Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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