4 words: hood of his car
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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