i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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