good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
