mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
