I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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