If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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