He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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