No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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