So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
