Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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