the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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