So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
