i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We are all done wearing pants today
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
