First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
