Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
