apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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