grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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