I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
