My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
