Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
