He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
