Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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