I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
