that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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