i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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