I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
