the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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