I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
