I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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