Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
