a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
