I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
