i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
