Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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