i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
