how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We need to get me chipped asap
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