Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
