My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
